


Not Just Ill

by Bard_the_Bowman



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Farah is actually scared, Fluff and Angst, Michael is surprisingly good at helping, Pregnancy Tests, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 11:31:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15266571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bard_the_Bowman/pseuds/Bard_the_Bowman
Summary: Everyone thought Farah was just ill, including Farah herself. Until suddenly she wonders if she’s not.Shit. She didn’t ask for this.





	Not Just Ill

The day it happened, Farah was at home by herself. Dirk, Todd and Mona were out on a case, Michael was at the library doing research, and Farah had been feeling ill recently anyway. 

That morning she’d been feeling particularly bad, and by 9:30 she’d already thrown up twice. Todd had made her promise to get some rest, and she had done so eagerly, which was weird considering she’d already slept for thirteen hours. 

It was when she threw up for the third time that the thought crept into the back of her mind. 

_No,_ she thought. _Surely not. There’s no way I’m pregnant. I’m just ill and overreacting._

She pushed the notion to the back of her mind, refusing to believe it, instead throwing herself into her daily tasks to occupy her mind. The stomach twinges she felt when making the bed she wrote off as a placebo effect, and her backache she blamed on bending over to pick up clothes. Yet when her toast tasted ashy in her mouth and she found herself craving cold hotdogs instead, she gave in. 

_I have to prove myself wrong._ Farah told herself as she carefully selected three different pregnancy tests off the shelf in the store, hiding them under the packs of hotdogs filling her basket just in case she saw anyone she knew. 

“That’ll be forty dollars.” The cashier said in a bored tone. Farah couldn’t look her in the eyes as she handed over the money, wincing at the extortionate price of the tests. She felt her cheeks heating up as she stuffed them in her bag and made sure to cover them with the hotdogs. It couldn’t hurt to be too careful. A quick glance around her reassured her that nobody had seen. 

“Thanks.” She muttered to the cashier, keeping her eyes on the floor and exiting as quickly as she could, desperate to leave.

The entire way home, her hands shook, clutching the strap of her bag as tightly as she could until her knuckles felt like they might split open with the strain. As soon as she was inside, she furtively checked every room to make sure there was nobody home before emptying her purchases onto the kitchen counter. She took two hot dogs and ate them cold whilst she was putting the others in the fridge, and then took the tests in their boxes into the bathroom. 

Sitting on the closed toilet seat, Farah lay all three tests on her lap and just looked at them. Her mind seemed to be full of writhing, whirling thoughts, and completely blank and empty all at the same time. She didn’t know how long she sat there, but after what could have been seconds or hours she finally picked up the test in the blue box and opened it, placing the others on the windowsill. She skimmed the instructions, before carefully opening the package containing the test itself and uncapping it. With shaky breaths, she got ready and positioned the uncovered strip underneath her, making sure that it was properly soaked before gently shaking it off and recapping it.

The sound of a door shutting below her startled her and she jumped, as Michael Assistent’s voice drifted up the stairs. “Farah? Are you feeling any better?”

“Just a minute!” Farah heard the crack in her own voice as her anxiety took over, and she began desperately shoving bottles around in the bathroom cupboard to make room for the unused tests at the back. The one she had just peed on she crammed in her pocket, and her eyes fell on the line of the instructions- _results in eight minutes!_ \- as she washed her hands and flushed the toilet in an effort to appear normal.

“You sound off. Is everything okay?” Michael’s voice was very close to the bathroom now, and Farah’s breathing was coming faster and more panicked. She opened the door, feeling a strange clenching in her gut as she found herself face to face with the small man.

“I’m fine.” She insisted, trying not to cringe at how unconvincing she sounded.

“You look very pale.” Michael remarked, looking her in the eyes. Farah dropped her gaze, unable to keep up the facade whilst maintaining eye contact. 

“I swear, I’m just tired.” She insisted. “Maybe I have a mild stomach bug, but it’s nothing major.” 

At this point, Farah thought she was trying to make herself believe just as much as Michael. She could feel the developing test in her pocket, digging into her thigh, and she wished desperately that the only life form in her body other than her own consciousness was just a simple stomach bug. 

“Are you sure?” Michael asked, and at Farah’s rather aggressive nod he held up his hands in defence. “Alright. I just wanted to check. I’m done with the research for today, so I’ll be around all day. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” He turned, heading down the stairs, with one worried glance over his shoulder as he disappeared. Farah gritted her teeth in a fake smile until he was out of sight, before immediately darting back into the bathroom and closing the door. She leant back against it and slid down until her butt hit the floor, pulling the test out of her pocket and placing it upside- down in front of her. Checking her watch, she found only three minutes had passed. Farah sighed in frustration and hugged her stomach, letting her head fall forward onto her knees.

The next five minutes were torturous. The wait was unbearable and then when it was finally over, her hands were shaking too much to pick up the test. Taking deep breaths, she managed to catch hold of it with fumbling fingers and brought it up to her eyes before flipping it over. 

Farah felt her heart stop. There was one clear line on the test, and whilst it was faint, there was definitely a second visible line which had not been present before. 

“No.” She whispered. “No. No. No.” 

The test clattered to the floor as she scrambled to her feet, yanking open the cupboard door and grabbing wildly at the other tests. “No. No. No. No.”

With shaking hands, she carried out both of those as well, and set them aside. Whilst she waited, her eyes were glued to the first test, and then when the time was up she looked at the other tests to find another two lines and a little plus icon.

That was when Farah burst into tears. 

She didn’t know whether she was happy, or sad, or scared, or all three. Mostly all three. It was too much. 

Farah threw up again.

Farah cleaned up the mess, wiped her mouth and drank some water straight out of the tap. She caught a glance of her tear stained face in the mirror and glowered at her own image, grabbing angrily at the three positive pregnancy tests and storming into her and Todd’s bedroom, where sat on the bed, pulled out her phone, scrolled through her contacts and hit ‘call’ on Tina’s number.

“Yello!” Tina answered cheerfully, and Farah immediately burst into tears all over again.

“Farah? What’s wrong?” Tina asked in alarm. Farah was crying too hard to reply. She heard a faint beep as Tina hung up, and then another call came through. This time, when she answered, Tina’s face appeared on her screen. “You gotta talk to me, Farah. What’s going on?”

Farah felt her heart clench at the image of her friend, who cared so much despite being so far away. “I’m...” the word wouldn’t come out of her mouth. She couldn’t do it.

“What? You’re what? What’s happened, Farah?” Tina was clearly as energetic as ever.

Wordlessly, Farah held up the three tests, making sure Tina could clearly see the results.

“Wait. Wait. Are those...”

“Yep.”

“Are you...?”

The confirmation in Farah’s mouth forced itself out as a sob rather than an actual word.

“Farah! That’s... does Todd know?”

Farah shook her head. “I can’t tell him. I don’t know what he’ll do. He was so scared when we talked about this before. It’s the pararibulitis... he thinks we’d be forcing the baby to live with it.” 

“You _have_ to tell him. This is your _child._ ”

“Can’t you see?” Farah was beginning to get frustrated, and she felt her eyes well up again with angry tears. Stupid hormones, ruining everything. “I can’t have a baby. I can’t. How am I supposed to do anything if I’m pregnant? I’ll be no good as a bodyguard. My one job is to keep the others safe. I can’t do that properly for months? And then how am I supposed to look after a baby whilst we’re on a case? This is so messed up, Tina. Everything is messed up.”

“Deep breaths.” Tina replied, torn between looking excited and concerned, which was pulling her mouth into a weird grimace. “You can do anything, Farah. You always do!”

“Not this!” Farah couldn’t take deep breaths, because she was panicking again. “Not this! I’ve never done this! I’m not even sure I _want_ to do this!”

“You need to tell Todd.” Tina said. “He’s more qualified than me to help you. He’s the baby daddy. Wait. He _is_ the baby daddy, isn’t he?”

“Of course!” Farah closed her eyes. “I’m not like that. Why would you-“

“Just checking.” Tina hastily interjected. “But you do need to tell him soon.”

“I know. I don’t know how to do it. God, I’m so fucked.”

“Well yeah, that’s how babies are made, right?” Tina quipped, and Farah choked out a laugh that sounded more like a sob. 

“Farah?” There was a knock at the door. Michael again. 

“Mmm?” She answered, not able to form words at this point, and looked at Tina nervously. Tina only smiled encouragingly, though her eyebrows were raised just a little too high to be convincingly reassuring. 

The door opened a crack, and Michael poked his head around. “Why are there so many packets of hot dogs in the- oh.” He stopped at the sight of her face. “Um, without being rude, you look a mess.”

“I know.” Farah looked down for a second. “It’s just me being ill, is all.”

“I know what crying looks like, Farah. Something else has happened. What is it?” Michael moved towards her and in doing so, the three sticks on the bed came into his line of vision. He stopped, frozen, and Farah stiffened, watching him.

“Pregnancy tests?” He asked. Farah bit her lip, but said nothing.

“I should go.” Tina muttered, and then the phone beeped as she hung up.

“Can I...” Michael moved to pick up the tests and sit down. Again, Farah said nothing, but moved to the side to make room.

“All positive.” He muttered, looking at all of them and then putting them back on the bed. “You’re not ill at all, are you Farah? You’re pregnant.”

Farah dropped her face into her hands. “Don’t tell anyone.” She mumbled. 

“You haven’t told Todd?” Michael asked, in disbelief.

“How could I? I don’t know what to say, and I only found out myself about fifteen minutes ago.”

“You should tell him. Call him.”

“I can’t.” 

“Yes you can. You’re Farah Black. Just call him.”

“I...”

“Farah.”

“Fine.” She reluctantly picked her phone up and clicked onto messages- Todd was at the top. She clicked his name and then hit the phone icon. 

Todd picked up after two seconds. “Farah? Are you alright?”

Farah cast a glance over to Michael, who was giving her a thumbs up. “I just wanted to talk to you about something important.”

“Okay. Is everything alright?”

Farah’s eyes locked onto the positive pregnancy tests. _No. everything is absolutely not alright._

“...you know what? It doesn’t matter.” She heard her own voice say. “Never mind. Bye, Todd.”

Todd’s tinny voice echoed from the speakers. “Farah? Farah, wait. Don’t hang up. Fa-“ Farah cut him off and threw the phone down, running her hands back over her hair in frustration at herself and the situation. Seconds later, her phone beeped again- a text from Todd. 

_I’m coming home. Stay there._

Farah gazed at her phone until the screen went black again, making no move to open the message or reply. Then Michael’s phone buzzed, and he held it out for Farah to see another text from Todd.

_r u with Farah? Somethings not right. On my way. Check on her pls._

“What do you want me to say?” Asked Michael, gently, quietly.

“I don’t know.” Farah replied. “I don’t know. Just tell him not to worry.”

“I don’t think that’d work.” He smiled ruefully, tapping out a reply and standing up. “Do you want me to leave you be for a bit? Give you some time?”

“Yes. Please.” Farah nodded, and as he headed towards the door she spoke again. “Michael?”

“Yeah?” He looked back.

“Thank you.”

He just smiled and closed the door softly behind him.

As long as the five minutes she had spent waiting for the first test to develop had felt, the next ten felt even longer as her mind whirled with what she was going to say and speculation on how Todd would react. Finally, she heard running footsteps on the path outside and fumbling with keys. The door downstairs burst open as Todd tumbled in. “FARAH?”

“She’s upstairs.” She heard Michael explain, and could imagine him wincing at Todd’s volume.

If there was a reply from Todd, she didn’t hear it before there was thudding up the stairs and the door to their room flew open with such force that it bounced off the dresser and slammed itself shut again. But that didn’t matter, because Farah had risen to her feet and her body had collided with Todd’s as they’d met in the middle of the room and she was sobbing into his shoulder even though she didn’t remember when she’d started crying again and he was rubbing her back and murmuring “It’s okay, it’s okay,” repeatedly into her hair in between pressing kisses to the side of her head.

“Todd.” She said in a shaky gasp, and he pulled back and looked at her face. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, voice and face filled with concern and love, and Farah felt more tears spill over her cheeks because _he cared so damn much._

“Farah? What is it?” He prompted again. “You’re scaring me. Are you dying?”

She wanted to laugh at that, but she was too tired. She shook her head instead, and surprised herself with how easily the words came. “I’m not dying, Todd. I’m pregnant.”

A look came across Todd’s face which left him slack-jawed and glassy-eyed.

“Todd?” Farah asked, nervously, hands clutching at his forearms. 

“Pre... pregnant?” He asked, faintly, and Farah felt her heart twist in her chest, like someone was grabbing at it and wrenching their wrist over.

“I took three tests.” She let go of him and his arms drifted back to his sides as she pulled away to pick them up, taking his hand and pressing them in. He was now watching her, but brought them to his face and let his eyes focus on the results of each one instead. 

“Pregnant.” He said, more firmly.

Farah’s eyebrows scrunched together as she tried not to break down again, the tears having just stopped. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?!” He looked back up at her, face breaking out in a grin. 

“You want a baby?” Farah asked in disbelief. “I thought you...”

“No! I just never said anything, but you changed my mind when we talked about it before. I didn’t want to pressure you, and I was still slightly worried about the pararibulitis. But there’s a chance it might not get triggered, and- oh, Farah. We could be parents!” Todd was talking in such animation now and Farah’s heart was beating too fast.

“You want to keep it?” She felt almost dizzy, and her arm reached out towards him to steady herself. He threw the tests back onto the shelf and caught her, pulling her closer. 

“Do...do you?” He asked, seriously. “It’s your body. It’s your choice. I don’t want to force you into something like this. It’s a huge decision and our lives will change.”

“I don’t... know.” Farah was now convinced the room was spinning. “Can we sit down? This is a lot.” _Okay, Farah. Breathe. You can do this._

“Of course.” Todd led her over to the bed and sat her down, letting her lean against his chest. “I’m with you through this. It’s your decision.”

“I just don’t want it to get in the way.” Farah confided in him. “I’m supposed to be the bodyguard. I’m supposed to be able to protect you and help with cases and stuff.”

“Farah. We’ll be fine. We have Mona, who can do anything, and Michael was in the army, and I still have those brass knuckles you gave me. It’ll be okay. Don’t let fear for us hold you back.”

“I don’t... you’re okay with the whole pararibulitis thing?”

Todd chewed on his lip for a second before answering. “If we care for the baby as well as I plan to, then there’s a high chance it won’t even get triggered. Neither of my parents had it.” 

Farah sighed. “Can we even afford a baby?” 

“We’ll find the money. We’re not doing too badly right now.” He reassured her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the top of her head.

“I hope we’ll be good parents.” She murmured, looking up at him.

“We’re really doing this?” Todd asked, beaming down at her. 

His grin warmed her inside as Farah placed her hands over his, on top of her belly. “I think we’re really doing this.”


End file.
